Silence

I attended a session yesterday at a conference on Coaching Psychology organised by the BPS Special Group in Coaching Psychology.

Paul Furey talked about listening. Now listening is meat and drink to coaches and psychologists, but there's always a new perspective. In particular Dr Furey talked about the coach's desire to solve their client's problems and how this (perversely) can detract from their effectiveness in helping through listening. While you're trying to diagnose, you're not really listening any more.

Here's the logic: if you really really listen to someone, switch off everything that tends to make you jump ahead of the conversation (what's on your mind; whether it reminds you of your own situation; whether you think you might have seen it before somewhere), really listen and show you're listening, then people are more able to find their own, relevant, appropriate solutions to which they are committed.

Now two thoughts: 1. that might equally be true of staff who you manage; 2. technical specialists might have an even greater urge to diagnose other people's problems.

You might be interested in Paul Furey's research on empathy.

Personal Development Plans

Scenario: annual review, competency framework, personal development plan.

How much genuinely personal real development is actually planned?

Let's face it, often it's just another list of jobs. "Your list of jobs" doesn't sound so inspiring does it.

This goes back to values again. People will really do a good job when the work is aligned to what they believe (whether thats at some elevated spiritual level, or pragmatic and instrumental doesn't really matter). They may need resources to do the job well. How about having a review where the manager is producing "my list of ways I'm going to give you the resources to do a great job"?

Hmmm ...

It hurts sometimes

I was talking to a psychiatrist yesterday (my partner's stepfather), weirdly, about losing weight (as I tucked into Grandma's lemon cake).

We spun round the topic as you do and he commented that the thing people don't take into account is that losing weight actually hurts.

Now in one of my professional roles (as a lecturer) I quite frequently have reason to think about what I need to do in order to facilitate other people's learning. We often ask the learners. But it has often occurred to me that when they're in the thick of it, learners might be expressing all sorts of things in the feedback they give. Including, I guess .... yes, it hurts.

Changing what you do and think, or how your body works is going to hurt. Not agonising necessarily, but somewhere between strange and painful enough to make you want to take refuge in what you know. Seems to me this is something worth acknowledging.

Working from values

Technical disciplines encourage and reward analysis. General management rewards flexibility and the ability to work with the unknown.

There are two great ways out of the trap of over-analysis. One is reflection. The other is values. I'm not going to analyse either right here right now, but here are two links to two great UK values-driven initiatives - one commercial, one not.

Howies.
CareerShifters.org.

What do these mean to you?